I look around the room at this chatty group of 20 girls, laughing and hugging one another, and I think about the changes a month can bring.
One month ago, these same girls were quiet, not able to hold eye contact with me. One girl didn’t know how to turn a doorknob - having never seen one before - and others had never interacted with a white person. Long gone is the timid bunch who would not engage in English conversation, leaving me to have no idea what was happening most of the time. Now, we have begun to have in-depth conversations ranging from boys to core values to Judaism – a religion they had never before heard of. And each night, I get a warm “I love you” as I say good night to the group after Family Time.
Family Time takes place Monday – Thursday after dinner. It is a time when Mama, Big Sister, the girls and I come together to discuss various topics and issues. Every Tuesday I lead Family Time. One particular Tuesday I was talking to a few of the girls in my family about our bodies. Now, when I say these girls are beautiful, it is not a bias or exaggeration – I'd expect most people would say they are breathtakingly beautiful by both Rwandan and Western society’s standards. However, each of them criticized their figures, as teenage girls do: “I don’t like my legs” “I’m too skinny/fat” etc.
That sparked an idea. I printed out the words to ‘Roar’ by Katy Perry, got out the speakers and we discussed what self-esteem means to each of us. As someone who is working on this as well, I also contributed my thoughts and feelings around confidence. We went over the lyrics – word for word – and then had a singing party unlike any I’ve ever heard. Boisterously loud, full of passion and confidence.
This group of girls, who refer to one another as 'sisters', struck another thought in my head. These are individuals who come from different locations, economic backgrounds, family situations, and - just over a decade ago - may have had relatives on opposite sides of a treacherous civil war. Yet, here they sit, holding each other as they laugh to “Roar”. They do everything for one another, just like real sisters - sharing clothes, helping one another when they are sick and being each other’s closest confidants. What a tone this sets for the rest of the world.
In my struggle to absorb and accept what is happening in US politics at the moment, I use the Village (and the Rwandan culture) as hope. I consider how acceptance of others and prioritizing the community first, are staples in the Rwandan way. I try to focus my energies, not on the negative U.S. media and the petty bickering of politicians from both sides of the aisle, but instead on how I can make a positive impact that I can be proud of.
Each day in the Village brings loads of ambiguity. When will this meeting start? How will the kids react to the schedule change? Will we be able to finalize all the plans before this partnership meeting? And, with ambiguity comes fear that things will not go as planned. I’m quickly learning…things don’t go as planned – and that’s okay. What I feel is most important now is to understand why things don’t go as I had planned, find a way to come to terms with that, and learn from it. I am actively working to bring this insight into my perspective on America and the current situation. Hysteria is not the answer… that just brings panic and anger. Instead, I feel immense pride at seeing my friends and family take a stand for something they believe in. Determining what issues you feel passionate about and letting your voice be heard is one of the greatest gifts we are offered. At the same time, listening to others and comprehending why they feel the way they do, is one of the greatest gifts you can offer someone else.
I like to think, as my time goes on at ASYV, I will continue to find opportunities to interact with students and staff who will stretch and redefine the way I think on this issue, so when I return home, I can do so proudly. Until that day, my eyes and ears will remain open.
